I felt that I needed to write another one of these reflective entries. Most of all, I want you loyal people who still follow me to have a proper
explanation of the person I am now, compared to who I was.
Three years I have been in the Art & Design program at upper secondary school. Sure I got somewhat better at what I do, but another thing lacks after these years - Creativity. When I started the program, I was hopeful and thought that this school would let everyone develop in their own way, in their own way of expressing art. Boy I was wrong! All these years everything has been extremely controlled, always very tight frames of how we are supposed to be as artists.
I have always been an illustrator. That's what I do best, clearly. I draw because I want the lines to be perfect, I paint because I'm good at getting the lights and colors right. I like to do neat artworks that look good, both realistic and more cartoony. My teachers always ridiculed art that is nothing more than a technically nice work, they want the art to have a purpose, to affect the beholder, to have a message behind it. In their eyes, my art is "nothing more than illustration" and therefore dull. These three years I have been battling this huge pressure, I have been forced to be a "real" artist. Slowly, this pressure killed my creativity. I haven't drawn a piece just for myself in a very long time, everything has been commissions or school projects. When I do art just for the sake of it, I quickly loose interest. The problem is that I lost it all. It's a big difference in letting the creativity come to you naturally, which it always did before, versus forcing it. That is my conclusion, I have forced creativity for three years and I used it on making art I never would do if I wasn't pressured to. The stuff you've seen here such as the realism project has only been this last couple of months, the only time we were allowed to work with whatever we wanted to.
I'm going to take a well needed break. Until my creativity comes back, naturally this time. In only three weeks I will graduate, and after that I'm just going to work (I finally got a job at a gas station), have fun, move to Norway with Fredrik after this summer when I have the $$, then we'll see. Maybe I will find my way back to my personal artistry. Until then, maybe I will have some commissions here and there, but don't expect me to upload things in the same way I once did. At least not now. I'm sorry that I have neglected this site, but now you know why.
Peace and Love to you all.